NFL

10 Offseason Moves That Will Shape The 2017 NFL Season

The months-long prognostication surrounding the NFL Draft is over, folks. The dust has settled, and for the most part, how NFL rosters look now is how they’ll look in the fall. So what are the moves that will most impact the 2017-18 season (and beyond)? Great question…

10. Hiring Woman-Punchers

Everyone deserves a second chance, guys. Even if you throw a haymaker at a defenseless woman’s face and it’s caught on video. Former Oklahoma running back Joe Mixon will join the Second Chance Capital of the World (Cincinnati), and the Browns went out on a limb (no pun intended) and selected former Florida defensive tackle Caleb Brantley, who is accused of knocking a 5’6, 120-pound woman unconscious in a Florida bar. Brantley stands at 6’2, 307 pounds. You gotta love the barbaric nature of the NFL, where as long as you haven’t been proven guilty of murder, you’re considered employable…

9. Rams Building an Offensive Line (and Giving Goff a Chance)

This one doesn’t rank too highly on the list because even with an improved O-line, there’s a high likelihood the Ramma Jamma’s will be irrelevant, but at least they’re gonna give Jared Goff a shot at success this year. Los Angeles signed Andrew Whitworth (one of the best O-linemen in the league) away from the Bengals and center John Sullivan away from Washington, and now we’ll really get to see whether Goff’s got potential or whether the Rams whiffed by not selecting Wentz…




8. New England Trading For Brandin Cooks

The rich get richer. New England has more weapons than North Korea (kidding) and acquiring Cooks — who was often under-utilized in New Orleans — gives the Pats’ offense the No. 1 receiver they’ve been lacking since Randy Moss left. Brady’s gonna have a field day throwing to Brandin…

7. A New Regime in Buffalo

The Bills finally had a good draft, which raised eyebrows until we found out former GM Doug Whaley played no part in it. Whaley famously selected EJ “Thought I Bought An Automatic But It’s A” Manuel at No. 16 in 2013, traded the house to select Sammy Watkins two years later, and thought hiring Rex Ryan was a good idea. That’s how you get yourself fired. Assuming new Bills coach Sean McDermott is fully in charge (he is), Buffalo fans have reason for optimism going forward…




6. The 49ers Hiring John Lynch

San Francisco deserves a ton of credit for thinking outside of the box and poaching Lynch from the broadcast booth. The 49ers roster had been decimated by injuries and early retirements, but with Lynch and one of the best offensive minds in the game (Kyle Shanahan) leading the charge, San Francisco’s resurgence is imminent…

5. Tony Romo Selecting The Booth Over The Gridiron

Everyone who follows football — us included — assumed Tony Romo would sign with Houston or Denver and give himself one more chance to win it all. Welp, that didn’t happen. Romo chose the broadcast booth, and the quarterback-related hopes of both teams changed dramatically. Can Trevor Siemian, Paxton Lynch, or dark horse Chad Kelly (“Mr. Irrelevant”) lead the Broncos back to the playoffs? Can Deshaun Watson lead the Texans to greatness? Romo’s decision affected two teams in the top rung of the league…

4. Colin Kaepernick and Jay Cutler’s Joblessness

Apparently Jay Cutler called the Texans to express interest in Houston’s QB job and Bill O’Brien gave him the “New number, who dis?” treatment. There’s a chance one or both could sign before the beginning of the season, but the fact remains that if you’re perceived as a distraction in the NFL, teams won’t be in a hurry to sign you. As a reminder, hitting women = okay, political stances = not okay, being Jay Cutler = also not okay. We’re fine with the last piece of that equation…




3. Jameis Winston’s New Toys

Speaking of people who’ve treated women in an unconscionable fashion, Tampa Bay’s quarterback is poised for a monster season after the team selected tight end OJ Howard with the 19th overall pick and signed DeSean Jackson as a home run threat. The Bucs will be a force to be reckoned with in 2017-18…

2. Houston Trading Up For Deshaun Watson

As we mentioned earlier, Tony Romo’s retirement affected the Texans’ offseason plans, which propelled Houston to trade up to the No. 12 spot in the draft to nab Watson. A season removed from the Brock Osweiler disaster, Bill O’Brien is praying that Deshaun can be Dak Prescott 2.0 and score some points for the Texans’ presumably stellar defense. The reviews couldn’t be more mixed on Watson, but he couldn’t have inherited a better situation than the one in H-Town…




1. The Patriots Not Trading Jimmy Garoppolo

Every single college quarterback came with more questions than a precarious two-year-old or your girlfriend after you like an ex’s Instagram post (“I just did it out of habit, babe”), but almost all evaluators agree that Pats backup Jimmy Garoppolo is a stud. The Patriots keeping Jimmy G had a dramatic influence on the quarterback market and led to Chicago’s Mitch Trubisky debacle, KC’s decision to move up and select Patrick Mahomes at No. 10, and Houston grabbing Watson at No. 12. Most importantly, it means that (barring New England brokering a deal before the regular season) one of the game’s consensus top-15 quarterbacks probably won’t throw a pass this season…

To Top