You know how when you watch Armageddon it hits you that it had to have been easier to train astronauts to operate oil rigging equipment than training Ben Affleck and Steve Buscemi to be astronauts? Well, the clips below will leave you thinking, wouldn’t it have been easier to train an elite athlete to act than to let an actor play an elite athlete?
10. Sylvester Stallone in Rocky
As red blooded Americans, of course we love Rocky. When we go to school we learn the Pledge of Allegiance and the love of Rockys 1 through 4. Unfortunately, we’re also taught to ignore the blatant fact that Rocky couldn’t box. He gave a whole new meaning to the “jump hook.”
9. Leonardo DiCaprio in The Basketball Diaries
Leo would be further down this list but we gave him credit for the fact that he was playing a kid who was a drug addict. You see kids, that’s what happens when you pal around with teenage Mark Wahlberg. That form, though!
8. Kevin Costner’s Movie Dad in Field of Dreams
So they have to hire a guy whose one scene is to play catch with Kevin Costner and they can’t even find someone who knows how to play catch? There are roughly one million actors living in L.A. at all times. You’re telling us not one of them knew how to throw a baseball in 1989? That look of surprise at the end of the clip is Costner being shocked that the actor finally threw the ball into his mitt on take number 58.
7. Parminder Nagra in Bend it Like Beckham
At first glance you’re thinking, hey, those were some pretty nifty moves there before the goal. Look closer — there is no way that the person who stutter steps only to toe punt the ball into the goal is the same person who went Cristiano Ronaldo in the first half of the clip. We’re calling shenanigans.
6. Tim Robbins in Bull Durham
Judging by the form and the trajectory of the baseball, we’re setting the over/under on the speed of this pitch at 62 mph. Robbins’ pitching form looks like the result of the director telling him to picture someone involuntarily convulsing and to emulate what he sees before every pitch.
5. Damon Wayans in Celtic Pride
Whoever the film editor was for Celtic Pride was robbed of an Oscar. Editing the film to turn Damon Wayans into the best player in the NBA is the Mount Everest of film editing.
4. Omar Epps in Major League II
Major League II was bad enough without Omar Epps’ tee-ball swing. Wesley Snipes wasn’t exactly Babe Ruth either, but he sold the Willie Mays Hayes part far better.
3. Wesley Snipes in White Men Can’t Jump
Speaking of Snipes, how did he keep getting cast for athletic roles when he clearly can’t ball? Let’s just say we don’t think it was because of his height.
2. Matt Damon in The Legend of Bagger Vance
Matt Damon’s swing is what happens when someone who isn’t good at baseball tries to use that crappy baseball swing to hit a golf ball. Fortunately for Damon, it doesn’t appear as though his inability to swing a golf club has hindered his movie career.
1. Gary Busey in Rookie of the Year
Is any explanation really needed? This was the performance that inspired this piece, not that any of us were awake at 10:00 p.m. on a Wednesday night and watching Rookie of the Year or anything.
Disagree? Think we missed any? Get at us on Twitter at @theleadsports and @RudinEG