NBA

11 Reasons Knicks Fans Should Boycott Next Season

If you’re a Knicks fan and you’ve had enough, this article’s for you. You’ve just finished another woeful, crappy, listless, pathetic season of professional basketball. Your owner is the worst in sports — an insecure little man who would be lucky to have a job operating a subway train if his father hadn’t started Cablevision — and your attendance at games, propensity to buy blue and orange gear, and need to watch this hapless group on television has made James Dolan’s pet project worth $3.3 billion.

But still, what do you do every season? You support the Knicks. You’ve been trained that you have to ride the highs and lows with your favorite team. It’s part of being a “diehard fan.” But deep down you know that’s complete horses***.

You, Knicks fan, have the power to force James Dolan to sell the team. All you have to do is stop showing up. Stop watching games on TV. Boycott the f*** out of them. In case you need a reminder why you should do exactly that next season, we went back over the past 15 years and compiled the reasons:

No 11: Carmelo Anthony

1n7pi1

The NBA’s most apathetic “superstar” will likely be in a different uniform come next season, but considering what the Knicks gave up to get him (five decent players who aren’t assholes), what they’re paying him ($124 million over five years), and their record this season (31-51), Carmelo’s presence alone should be enough to bid the Knicks adieu next season…

No 10: The Charles Oakley Debacle

oakleeeey

It’s always smart to pick a fight with a franchise legend for no reason. We’d like to note that we’d rescind our desire to see Knicks fans boycott if Dolan agreed to step foot in the ring with Oakley for 30 seconds…

No 9: Signing Amar’e Stoudemire

1n7q7c

The Knicks flushed $100 million of your hard earned money on a guy with no cartilage in his knees. The Stoudemire signing was one of the worst in NBA history, but unlike some deals that were only awful in hindsight, everyone knew the Amar’e deal was idiotic as soon as pen hit paper…

No 8: Phil Jackson

1n7qgw

The Knicks picked up the final two years on Phil’s contract, which makes sense because…well, it doesn’t really make sense. Jackson doesn’t give a flying fuck about the Knicks and only joined because of the Busses’ drama in Laker Land. When your GM/President doesn’t care about your franchise, why should you?

No 7: The Larry Brown Disaster

1n7qni

Little known fact: the term “LOL” was actually coined after Brown’s one tumultuous season with New York in 2005-06…

No 6: The Mike D’Antoni Debacle

1n7qve

James Dolan holding a basketball is about as natural as Mike D’Antoni coaching a team without Steve Nash or James Harden…

No 5: Isiah Thomas

0906fbd04611b8425319f72d264f6b86_crop_north

Dolan hired Thomas because the former Pistons star was the only ex-player to suck up to him (admittedly a wise move by Isiah, who will always have a $1m+ salary waiting for him in NYC if he wants it), but sweet Mary mother of Joseph was Thomas an inept basketball coach and executive. Oh, and he sexually harassed women who wouldn’t play with his pee pee. Can’t forget about that…

No 4: James Dolan (The Fan Letter)

dolan

We’d all take James Dolan’s money, but spending a day in that man’s tiny, incredibly insecure brain would be torture. Knicks fans should have started boycotting after Dolan’s reply to Mr. Bierman in 2015, but missed their chance. Don’t let this idiot run your team for a second longer…

No 3: James Dolan (The Oakley Reaction)

Dolan got Oakley tossed from MSG and then proceeded to repeatedly brand him as an alcoholic (Dolan’s struggles with drugs and alcohol have been well documented, if you weren’t aware). In the end, Dolan’s just a shitty, shitty, shitastic person, and — in case we haven’t emphasized this enough — you should boycott all Knicks-related activities until he sells the team…

No 2: James Dolan Calling a Fan An A**hole

jd1

The most recent Dolan-fan interaction came when 35-year-old lawyer/law professor Mike Hamersky yelled “Sell the team, Jim!” at Charles Dolan’s embarrassment of a son and New York’s billionaire owner felt obligated to approach him, call him an “assh***,” and lecture him on life.  Let Hamersky be your final straw, Knicks fan. Your final straw and your rallying cry…

No 1: Kristaps Porzingis

kristaps-porzingis-is-blowing-away-the-nba-world

If you love the best thing to come out of Latvia since the world’s smallest mechanical camera, you owe him a chance to play for a successful franchise. Don’t do it for yourself, people. Do it for Kristaps…

But seriously, why haven’t Knicks fans boycotted? It’s such a beautiful, poignant, simple solution to the James Dolan problem. You have the power, people! Use it…

To Top