NFL

4 Horrible Things That Compare To Being A Browns Fan

The Browns are the definition of sadness. They’re so sad they’re named after a color. Just a color. And not even a cool one: they’re named after the color of shit. All of this means that it must be pretty frigging shitty being a Browns fan. How exactly does it feel? What would you compare it to? Glad you asked…




4. Having To Take Your Cousin To The Prom

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You have a hot date, but even if you sleep with her everyone is going to think you’re a weirdo. Or maybe even call the police on you. It’s like finishing 1-15.




3. Finding Several Pubic Hairs In Your Favorite Meal, But The Restaurant Won’t Give You A Refund

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This makes too much sense. You’re sitting in a restaurant and your sweet sweet chicken parm is on the way. A beautiful date is across the way, but there’s a hair in the food. You say, “waiter, there is a hair in the food.” You want a refund. The waiter says, “no way, that’s your curly.”

You don’t understand how this could happen: it doesn’t make any sense. How would that even work? But you can’t argue, you have a date there, and don’t want to make a scene, so you just stomach the fact that the BROWNS TRADED FOR BROCK OSWEILER, THE STRAY PUBIC HAIR OF THE NFL.




2. Your Childhood Pet Dies

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Except that it happens 16 Sundays a year, every year, for decades. Who knew that moving the team was a mercy killing? And then Browns fans turned around and said “more please.”




1. You Find Out Life Is A Simulation And All Of It Was Meaningless

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Honestly, this is the best case scenario, because it would mean that even Patriots fans were wasting their time, instead of it just being you and everyone you love.

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