5 Athletes You Wouldn’t Want Protecting You in a Dark Alley

You’ve heard the question asked before. If you’re walking down a dark alley late at night, which athlete would you want with you? But hasn’t this discussion been covered ad nauseum? Look, they even made a video with the correct answer! Rather than rehash that same tired old argument, how about the flip side? Whom would you least want walking next to you if you’re walking down that same alley late at night?

5. Kevin Durant

Sorry to pile on poor KD, but if you’re walking down the alley with him, there’s a decent chance that some guys jump out from behind the dumpster to rob you, right? So, KD surveys the scene and pulls a Brick Tamland by joining the bad guys, leaving you helpless as KD aids in the robbery. But he’ll feel sorry about it later on and text you though.

4. Kobe Bryant

Look, of course Kobe has that killer instinct, and if he indeed did get into a fight, you might not bet against him, unless, he fighting Chris Childs. But, if Kobe’s walking down an alley late at night, odds are he planned for it and already knows the five best escape routes. The problem is, Kobe seems like the type of guy who understands that, if you come across a bear in the woods while hiking with your friend, start running, because you don’t have to outrun the bear, you just have to outrun your friend.

3. Eli Manning

Come on, there’s no way you’d want this face next to you in that dark alley. Now if the zombie apocalypse comes and you need someone to pretend to be one of them, then maybe you’re on to something.

No 2: Masanori Ishikawa

You can’t blame Ishikawa for not wanting to fight a clearly irate Tony Batista, but the duck and run is not a good look. Can you think of another time someone rushed the mound then didn’t attack the pitcher because of what looks to be pity?

1. Alex Rodriguez

The rumor being started here that Jonah Hill got his inspiration for this scene in Accepted has yet to be verified.


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