This column assumes that someone is looking for clues on how to date a male sports fan. However, just switch the pronouns from masculine to feminine, and it applies to women as well! Sports fans are sports fans.
5. Fever Pitch is Not Real Life
No sports fan would ever give up the gift of perennial season baseball tickets from a late relative, especially tickets as good as the ones Jimmy Fallon supposedly was willing to give up, on the off chance Drew Barrymore hopped the center field wall at Fenway to come stop him. A real relationship is going to involve compromise and that compromise goes both ways. You’re going to have to give sports a try, and in return, maybe he won’t drink himself silly and cuss out the television at a local restaurant while seated next to a family of five.
4. He’s Not Checking Out Another Girl, There’s a TV Over Your Shoulder
Many women get jealous when they’re at restaurants and catch their beau’s eyes wandering. Sometimes rightfully so. But if you’re out with a sports fan, you likely just didn’t realize that Fox Sports 1 is on behind you and there’s a Big 12 football game involving a touchdown every three minutes.
3. Best to Leave Us Be For a Good 30 Minutes or 3 Weeks
If his favorite team just lost, it’s probably best to leave him be for a little while, especially if it was a close game. You know the toddler that just won’t stop screaming, the one that only gets louder even as you try to soothe him? That’s what you’re dealing with. Just walk away and leave him with his pacifier, which in this case is probably a beer that is slightly too warm after being ignored during crunch time.
2. There is a Difference Between Real Time and Game Time
“Honey, can we do the thank you notes now?”
“Sure, but can I just watch the end of the game first? There are only two and a half minutes left.”
Unless the game is soccer, those two and a half minutes are going to take at least twenty in a close game. For you prospective wives and girlfriends out there, saying yes to the above question is a rookie mistake you are sure to make. It won’t be long until you learn to ask how many time outs each team has and whether you are agreeing in advance to allow your husband or boyfriend to watch the inevitable overtime.
1. Of Course There’s Always a Football Game On
I thought of this piece the other day when my wife asked me, “is football on EVERY day?” The answer for a sports fan is, if left to our devices, yes, it is. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday are no brainers. Even though the Thursday games suck, they’re still better than non-football TV programming. There’s Inside the NFL and random college football on Tuesdays and Fridays. So yes, if we have the remote control, the football game is on.