The bond between the coach and a team is like a father and a son. The coach has to raise them up and make them better men, but only until something younger/hotter/richer comes along (looking at you, Sonny Dykes).
No 5: They Come Into Your Home And Try To Convince You That They Care
No 4: They Tell Everyone (Except For You) How Proud They Are Of You
Coaches can pretend like they care, but they’re always looking for the next best thing. Just like a dad trading in his wife and kids and upgrading to a family he likes more.
No 2: They Hold You To The Highest Standard Of Excellence, But Then Go Do Whatever They Want
Coaches want you to commit to the program and commit to being the type of man who sets an example of what men should be. That is, right until they fuck up, in which case they ask for forgiveness and paid leave.
No 1: When A Better Situation Comes Up, They Tell You “I Love You, But I Have to Do What’s Best For Me”
Players have to sit out a year if they change their mind, or miss their family, or just feel uncomfortable. Coaches get a raise. NOT COOL DAD, DON’T EVEN BOTHER COMING TO MY BIRTHDAY.