NCAA Basketball

5 Ways To Know You're An Ass

After his “indefinite” one-game suspension, Grayson Allen is back to leading the NCAA in douchebaggery. Let’s check out five reasons why:

No 5: You go to Duke


Duke is the elite of the elite” – Anyone who went to Duke

Dukies make people at Harvard seem down to earth. The only guarantee every year is that no one is as good as Duke thinks Duke is.

No 4: You Take Pictures Like This


Why? There is literally no reason to take a picture like this. The belt might as well say, “don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” Or “punch me, I’ve earned it.”

No 3:  Every Time You Miss A Basket You Duck Behind A Towel To Drown Your Sorrows


I forgot that Gatorade was running a new ad campaign about drowning your sorrows behind a towel like a 6 foot 8 toddler.

No 2: You Have A Coach Who Is Having Surgery To Get A Spine Inserted


Coach K is going on hiatus. Maybe while he is laid up someone will hand him a dictionary and he can learn the definition of the word “indefinitely” and/or “discipline.”

No 1: You’re A More Aggressive Tripper Than Rebounder


The best example of a man-child since Seth Rogen in Knocked Up or Robin Williams in that movie where he doesn’t age, Grayson Allen might need to be sent to the corner to think about what he’s done. Because it seems like he doesn’t understand how to be an adult.


What he does understand is how to morph from a 6’ 5’’ small forward to a giant, pimply ass.

And, oh by the way, he just went out and did it AGAIN!

To Top