NBA

6 Alternative Professions For Jim Buss

After inheriting the Lakers from his father, Jim Bust Buss has made a series of highly questionable moves, most notably ostracizing Phil Jackson because the Zen Master was having sexy time with his sister Jeanie and Jim thinks sex is gross. Currently unemployed, we surveyed the job market and found the six best vocations for Jimmy B now that his tenure in Laker Land has come to a close…

No. 6: Jockey

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Few people know this, but Buss attended jockey school in his early 20s despite being 6’2. We’re guessing that if Lakers fans could gather at Santa Anita and watch Jim Buss’ tall ass awkwardly ride a pony around around the racetrack, all would be forgiven…

No. 5: Busboy

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This isn’t just because his last name is “Buss.” Okay, it is. Everyone in the Lakers’ organization has spent the last six years cleaning up his mess, so maybe it’s time for Jim to start from the bottom and pick up everyone else’s scraps…

No. 4: Anti-Bullying Spokesman

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Jim feels strongly that the media’s backlash is totally unwarranted and that he doesn’t get enough credit for his role in helping architect the Lakers 2000-2011 dynasty. Jim could lecture at high schools and universities around the country, let his guard down, and tell kids about how hard it has been inheriting a $3 billion sports franchise and running it into the ground…

No. 3: Scout

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Jimmy’s first controversy came in 1998 when he said, “Evaluating basketball talent is not too difficult. If you grabbed 10 fans out of a bar and asked them to rate prospects, their opinions would be pretty much identical to those of the pro scouts.” If there’s a quote that better summarizes Buss’ tenure as a basketball executive, we’d love to hear it…

No. 2: Lids Salesman

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If there’s one thing Jim loves, it’s hats. Dude has more black hats than the Russian government (hacker reference, for those not up-to-date on cyber security). Slanging ball caps at your local Lids store seems like a pleasant change-of-pace from the high stress Lakers job…

No. 1: Clippers General Manager

This one seems obvious, but historically no team likes to be run into the ground more than the Clippers. They’re local so Jim wouldn’t have to relocate, and Steve Ballmer can definitely afford his high salary demands. Predicting the future isn’t easy, but Jim Buss taking over the Clips just seems too perfect not to come to fruition…

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