6 Athletes Who Will Never, EVER Come Up Clutch

No matter how long these guys play, their chances of coming up huge and leading their teams (or themselves) to a title are somewhere between nil and zero. Being good is different than being a winner, and in our opinion the following six players are firmly – and permanently – planted in the former category.

No 6: Matt Stafford

Whether it’s his mediocre track record or the fact that he looks like grown-up Haley Joel Osment, we just can’t find ourselves placing any trust in Matt Stafford. Dude could throw for 78 TDs during the regular season and still be an easy out in Round 1 of the Playoffs. He will forever be a great late-round insurance pick in fantasy football, and will never be a Super Bowl victor.

No 5: David Price

Granted, Price might win it all because the Red Sox are stacked, but chances are it won’t be because of his left arm. In 66.2 postseason innings, the Vanderbilt alum has an ERA higher than Wiz Khalifa on 4/20. Not exactly the guy we’d like on the bump for World Series Game 7.

No 4: Tony Romo

Romo goes down, Dak takes over, Cowboys have their best season in ten years. Hmm…it’s probably not a coincidence that the Cowboys lose Romo, who has a harder time with the fourth quarter than a parking meter with a 75 cent limit, and go on to greatness behind a couple of talented rookies. After 11 so-so seasons, Tony’s days in Dallas are done.

No 3: Michael Bradley

As soccer continues to gain popularity throughout the US and interest in the national teams grows, Michael Bradley’s bald-headed ball-blindness has been an eyesore to anyone who’s watched the USMNT in a major competition. The normally accurate midfielder has a harder time connecting in big games than Cricket Wireless anywhere outside of a major city. Someday the US will win a World Cup, and Mr. Bradley will not be there.

No 2: Sergio Garcia


Dude. You give up strokes on the back nine like you’re actually having a stroke. You’ve seen more strokes get wasted than the chairman of the Julian Casablancas fan club. Bogey’s actually pays you commission for the business you give them at the end of major championships. And most importantly, your putting has never, ever gotten close to catching up to your all-world ball striking. Sorry, Serg, your window for greatness was there, but you choked it away faster than one of Tiger’s side pieces taking down his 6-Iron.

No 1: Carmelo Anthony

You did win a National Championship in college, so we’ll give you that, but as a pro you’ve done nothing but fold in big games like a master at the Origami World Cup. Put it this way, if we were starting an NBA team from scratch, you’d show up a shade above Swaggy P on people we’d choose to build around, and that’s only because we don’t like how he played Iggy. Simply put: selfish, shoot-first stars who are inefficient and iffy on defense don’t equate to winning basketball. You also really don’t appear to give a shit about this, which makes it super easy to make you number one on this list.

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