Fandom is one of the most personal things in this here life, perhaps even more than politics or religion. The thing about it is that you need to commit. Jumping the bandwagon should be a capital offense: you should go down in history as a Benedict Arnold and your children should know that you have no moral fiber. Here are six excuses you’ll hear a bandwagon jumper use to try and explain away their atrocities.
If you’re wearing the alternative jersey and you don’t know the head coach’s name, I don’t like you and you should stay away from my family. In fact, I’m going to file a mass restraining order against people in Supersonics jerseys who don’t know they became the Thunder. They’re bigger bandwagon jumpers than Drizzy Drake himself…
5. I’m Just A Big KD Fan. Where He Goes, I Go
Speaking of the KD, the man may have an Olympic gold medal in basketball, but his crowning achievement is the long jump from Oklahoma City to the presidency of Steph Curry’s fan club. He’s a shining example for bandwagon fans, and friends who bail.
4. I Moved Around A LOT As a Kid
You may have had four houses growing up, but they were all in New Jersey. You’re a Nets fan and you know it. Just because you visited your aunt in Boca for three days in 2003 doesn’t make you a Heat fan. Just give it up dude…
3. I Had This Bonding Moment With My Dad Outside Yankee Stadium
My dad once hugged me outside of Miller Park. That doesn’t mean I would suffer through watching the Brewers.
2. I Just Like The Way They Play The Game
You could have puffed your cheeks full of an actual bull turd and you would reek less of bullshit. The only person who cares how a team plays is Phil Jackson. Ask any suicidal Knicks fan how that’s going.
1. My Middle School Girlfriend Went To College At Gonzaga
Just give up. First, even if you are Facebook friends with her, you shouldn’t know where she goes. Second, it should have no impact on your life. Third, if it does, don’t tell anybody. Bury that shit deep, deep down in a place where no one can ever access. Just like you did with whatever you learned in 8th grade algebra.