Ryan Grigson is coming off a hell of a stretch: initiating Deflategate and decimating the Colts roster despite ALREADY HAVING a good (possibly great) young QB. This is no easy feat. In fact, it got us thinking about what other massive fuck-ups he may be responsible for…
No 6: The Challenger Explosion
In a little-reported footnote to history, Grigson actually grew up near Cape Canaveral and worked there as a mechanic while he was a teenager. He was a hard worker, except one Friday he had a hot date with a local
beauty queen 4-H winner, so he took off early without double-checking his work. The next thing you know…
No 5: The Mortgage Meltdown
Indymac Bank was one of the worst actors in the Mortgage Meltdown. Ryan Grigson was the GM of the Colts, a team based in Indy. We’re still connecting the dots, but clearly something nefarious was at play. Coincidences like that don’t just happen.
No 4: The Super Bowl “Nip Slip”
The man you assumed was Justin Timberlake was actually Ryan Grigson. See how much they resemble each other:
Remind me again, which one is which?
During the 2009 offseason, Grigson got bored with his college scouting duties for the Eagles and decided to team up with Bono to produce the Titanic of Broadway productions under his pen name, Michael Cohl. Despite all of the huge, built-in advantages, they still somehow got it completely wrong.
No 2: Exxon Valdez
Even an industrial-scale cleanup couldn’t fix the mess Grigson leaves in his wake. His stint on an Alaskan oil rig after graduating high school didn’t end well.
No 1: The Bay of Pigs
Kennedy and Eisenhower have nothing on the brain power of Grigson. Never-before-seen CIA files provide documentary evidence that Ryan was indeed the brains behind the botched attack on Castro’s Cuba.