One thing you learn from growing up is that it is much better to punch than to get punched. Which is why you need to know who your crew would be in any bar fight. Sure, Rhonda Rousey or Connor McGregor would kick ass but that’s not the point of a bar fight. We want to see people do their best McGregor impression. With that being said let’s look at the six athletes you would want on your side:
These guys can take a hit, almost as well as they can give them. I don’t think I would want to have dinner with Richie Incognito, but any guy who got suspended for bullying a six foot five three-hundred-pound lineman (and who tosses defensive lineman around like rag dolls) can probably hold their own in a bar brawl.
No 5: Draymond Green
A fair fight is one with only punches, but when you get in a bar brawl you don’t want guys who play clean. Draymond doesn’t play clean; he kicks more than a child throwing a tantrum. Plus, he’s willing to hit a guy in the clackers. We generally don’t recommend tossing back a few with a guy who kicks, but Draymond can certainly back you up.
No 4: Rougned Odor
If you don’t know who he is, that’s okay. You don’t need to be a fan to have him knock your bar adversary on their ass. I have no idea if this guy can field but he can hit like a champ. Check out how he pops Jose Bautista:
Amazingly, that’s only the second best punch currently on the internet…
There’s a good chance that your bar opponent is a ‘roided up beefer like Bautista, so it’s nice to know Odor doesn’t care.
A tennis player? McEnroe isn’t a normal tennis player. With the temper of a drunk coal miner, and the built-in weapon of a tennis racket, this man is a fearsome fellow. If he treats your foe’s face like he treated his rackets, you’re gonna be in good shape.
Is it what you want at trivia night? Probably not. But on your side in a bar fight? Sure thing…
No 1: (Tie) Don Zimmer & Pedro Martinez
Don Zimmer, was a fighter. A man who played baseball with his heart on his sleeve. He coached the same way. Even though he had a baseball career that spanned six decades he’ll be remembered by this generation for one particular moment. Getting knocked on his ass by Pedro Martinez.
This is an ugly moment. One you would say that had a clear winner and a very clear loser. But on second glance there is a reason to have both these guys.
Pedro: he’s got no morals. If a 72-year-old boozer comes your way in a bar fight, do you sidestep, or teach everybody not to come at you? Pedro would go with number two. Should it be condoned? Probably not.
Now to poor Donnie. Just for the record can we see that tumble one more time?
Here’s why you want the real Don Zimmer: he knew he was going to lose. He’s a 72-year-old man charging a professional athlete in their prime, but he did it anyway. If you get into a bar fight, you’ve already lost, but good ol’ Donnie Zimmer would have been right there with you. Loyalty is half the battle in any bar fight.