This year, the NFL has had a rejuvenation of young, dominant talent. Blake Bortles is not one of these players. After a promising sophomore year, Bortles has taken an enormous step backwards in his development, failing to assume a seat at the table of the league’s future so many thought he’d be captaining. In light of this duck that took flight versus the Texans, here are six people who the Jacksonville Jaguars should consider as his replacement.
No. 6: Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn)
Jeremy Grey is someone who was first team All-State, can put the ball anywhere he wants, and make it rain wherever he is. Such a pedigree warrants a spot on any NFL roster, and is exactly what Jacksonville needs. His biggest attribute? The ability to stand tall in the pocket, get rid of the ball, take a hit, and avoid the “Sack”.
No. 5: DeMarco Murray
In Week 10’s game vs. the Packers, DeMarco Murray channeled his inner Daniel Day Lewis, selling a pitch right and then slinging a perfect 10-yard dime into the arms of Delanie Walker for a TD. His single throw was better than any pass Bortles has thrown all year, and he doesn’t even play QB. Shahid Khan would be wise to inquire about Murray’s services in exchange for his mustache.
No. 4: Matthew McConaughey
Hailing from the University of Texas and the offspring of a Green Bay Packer draft pick, Matthew McConaughey has been fostered in a winning culture. Furthermore, he throws a tight spiral, especially when aiming at Jimmy Fallon’s face. The Jacksonville Jaguars should keep in mind that as Blake Bortles gets older, Matt stays the same age.
No. 3: Jamie Foxx
Jamie Foxx’s life aspiration was to play for the Dallas Cowboys, but it’s plausible to think he’d consider dawning a Jaguars jersey for the right cut of Khan’s 7 billion dollar purse. At Terrell High School in Terrell, Texas, Foxx was the first player ever to pass for more than 1,000 yards. Right now, Bortles couldn’t make a lay up, let alone drop one in from 3/4’s court.
No. 2: Callie Bundy
Forget Jacksonville’s QB problem. Callie Bundy is the answer to the NFL’s ratings problem.
No. 1: Uncle Rico (Jon Gries)
The guy could throw a pigskin a QUARTER MILE! That’s 1,320 feet. Almost four football fields. Ridiculous ability. Now 30 years later, he may not have that type of arm strength anymore, but he’s on record of being able to throw a football, “over dem mountains”. How Jacksonville hasn’t signed Uncle Rico by now, or any team for that matter, is mind boggling and worthy of conspiracy.