The NBA is officially into the jersey sponsorship business. About fucking time: we are for anything that could possibly cut into the amount of TV timeouts, so we are all for it. The Sixers and Celtics have lead the way, signing deals with StubHub and GE that will begin next year. What if the rest of the teams signed jersey deals that more accurately represented their positions in the league? Funny you should ask…
No 6: Vic’s Trash Pick Up (The New York Knicks)
Vic specializes in taking out the trash, so maybe he can put those skills to use and clean out the roster.
No 5: Berry Brothers Firewood (The Phoenix Suns)
The Suns would be a listless, lifeless, downright horrible excuse of a college basketball team. As a pro team, they’re an insult to the state of Arizona. Maybe an unlimited supply of free firewood could light a fire under their ass.
No: 4 Going Out Of Business Electronics (The Brooklyn Nets)
A knock-off electronics store is the only business out there offering worse products than the Brooklyn Nets.
No: 3 Dr. Katz Plastic Surgery (The Los Angeles Lakers)
“If you’re going to be horrible, at least look good” – Dr. Katz and the Lakers joint marketing slogan.
No 2: The Brooklyn Nets (The Boston Celtics)
GE is going to take one patch, but why not clog the whole jersey? Since the Nets are currently in the midst of re-stocking the Celtics roster, they might as well go all the way and sponsor the jerseys.
No 1: Paxen And Willow Injury Attorneys (The 76ers)
With injuries to star rookies constantly plaguing the Sixers, ambulance chasers want to get as close to the action as possible.