Baseball

6 Ways That Baseball Is Just Like Softcore Porn

Baseball and Softcore Porn: two American pastimes that aren’t as popular as they once were. In fact, they have a lot more similarities than just that. We took it upon ourselves to count the ways…

No 6: You Never See The Whole Thing
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From both of America’s pastimes you can get what you need from the highlights. You just figure it ends in a shower and you’ve seen it before.

No 5: The Guys Are Artificially Enhanced

steriods

I get that you want the best of the best at their best, but it’s getting ridiculous. Neither biceps nor male genitalia should expand over a foot.

No 4: They Make You Feel Bad About Yourself
 you-hate-us

The point of a role model is someone you can hope to emulate. Put it this way: I’ve never watched a baseball game or pornographic video that made me feel that way. 

No 3: Who’s That Weird Old Guy Calling The Shots?

manager

Why is there a guy in the corner just watching intently and changing the things he wants?

No 2: The People Scream For Absolutely No Reason

screaming

Who does this guy think he’s fooling?

No 1: What’s With The Voiceover?
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I’m here for the visuals, I don’t need to hear everybody’s back story.

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