The Don Drapers of the world already spend countless hours debating which athlete is the most appropriate for a particular brand. But over at TheLead, we took it upon ourselves to think of the most inappropriate brand marriages, the endorsement deals that you don’t want to see but kinda actually do. Here’s what we came up with:
No 7: Rob Gronkowski and Skinnygirl
We’ll admit, this brand marriage isn’t entirely inappropriate, given the fact that Gronk can be appropriately paired with any alcoholic beverage product. But like Fredo betraying Michael in The Godfather: Part II, Gronk casually sipping on a Skinnygirl Sweet ‘N Tart Grapefruit Margarita just isn’t right. Nevertheless, everyone would stop to watch a commercial of Gronk chugging a bottle of Skinnygirl White Cranberry Cosmo in Bethenny Frankel’s red dress, because party on Wayne.
No 6: Russell Westbrook and Carhartt
Whether he’s going for a cozy, monochromatic look in an Honorable Mention poncho or a contemporary twist in distressed denim, Russell Westbrook’s pregame arrival is one of the most important walks in fashion. So it would be inappropriate to pair one of the most sartorially flamboyant men in the world with a family-owned label built on blue collar workers and construction comfort. But if there’s anyone who can put hipsters in Carhartt, it’s Brodie.
No 5: Tim Tebow and Adam & Eve
This isn’t a layup, it’s a self-pass off the backboard slam dunk inappropriate pairing. How badly do you want to see the preeminent adult toy company paired with the world’s most famous virgin? Adam & Eve should offer Tebow a blank check to advertise dildos, dominatrix gear, and more, all while attempting to explain each toy’s purpose and practice. That’s gold, Jerry! Gold!
No 4: DeMarcus Cousins and Sperry Top-Sider
Pairing one of the NBA’s most rugged players with the whitest, fratty-est, pussy-est brand in the world short-circuits the brain a bit. Picturing Boogie in all plaid, boarding a Sunfish in the original brown, 2-eye boat shoe makes you want to wince and turn away. But hey, you never know. With Cousins on the brink of signing a max deal and sailing being like sex to rich people – they love it! – maybe we’ll see a whole new side of Boogie.
No 3: Gordon Hayward and OVO
Gordon Hayward is already an anomaly. A white guy with a trendy cut dominating a predominantly black sport is confusing enough. Now, put him with one of rap’s most dominant brands. Duh fuck? Hayward rocking OVO while rapping over “Jumpman” to Drake and his boys is a promo the world desperately needs.
No 2: Phil Mickelson and the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission
This is probably the most appropriate inappropriate brand marriage. Philthy Phil doing a public service announcement for the SEC, warning all the young kids out there not to trade on insider information in order to pay off a million dollars in gambling debt is just oh so good. If he refuses, Phil should at the very least do a PSA on how not to get caught while insider trading by explaining 1) how easy it is to do and 2) how to do basically the exact opposite of what he did.
No 1: Bill Belichick and Red Bull
Although Red Bull has some of the most impressive commercials ever made, nothing they could do would be more exciting than slipping Bill a Red Bull before a presser. “WE’RE ONTO CINCINNATI WE’RE ONTO CINCINNATI WE’RE ONTO CINCINNATI!”