We’ve discussed highly regrettable athlete tattoos, but what about the people on the other side of the TV screen? It turns out they can have just as poor impulses as the bigger, stronger, more coordinated humans they idolize. Here’s a chance for you, the young (or young at heart) sports fan, to learn from the mistakes of those who have been there and done that.
No 7: You Only Get One Chance At a First Impression
From here on out, be prepared to see that involuntary, surprised look implying “Warning: Turn Back Now” on the face of every new sexual partner. If the championship belt doesn’t turn them off, the Star Wars undies probably will.
Bubba’s likeness is unpleasant enough to look at over four days at the Masters – why anyone would want to carry it around with them is baffling. But hey, at least it wasn’t Phil.
No 5: Be Ambitious
This artist has too much talent to waste on vanilla has-beens who no one will remember in ten years. Start working on your Dak-Zeke Dallas landscape today.
No 4: Only Do a Remake If You Can Top the Original
A wise person once said, “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,” but this fan’s neon, coloring book-esque reproduction of J.R. Smith’s neck is anything but flattering.
No 3: Don’t Let Competition Drive You to Madness
We have great respect for anyone who honors their commitments, so we’ll just say this: think carefully before agreeing to risk your skin (literally) for fantasy football. It’s not worth it, and frankly, the whole “Fantasy Loser” genre is played out.
No 2: Be Prepared to Change Your Plans
Better go back to the tattoo parlor and ask what they charge for seven asterisks.
No 1: Consider the Worst-Case Scenario
Nothing exposes one’s true self quite like a mug shot. It’s not something you want to be remembered for.