The only thing better than a great love story is a better breakup. People enjoy listening to couples doing well, but LOVE hearing about the turmoil and drama of a pair doing poorly. We’re a sadist species, and when it comes to sports tandems, it’s no different. Here are seven duos that need to get inside Dr. Phil’s studio STAT or else “cash each other outside: HOW ‘BOUT DAT?”
7. Shaquille O’Neal and Charles Barkley
LeBron’s whining has not only turned Shaq and Barkley’s relationship sour, but potentially into the heavyweight battle of the century. So if Dr. Phil can’t get these guys to hug it out, let’s get Dana White involved and have them settle it in the octagon. Hopefully it would be more fulfilling than this:
6. Carmelo Anthony and Phil Jackson
Passive-aggressive Tweets, anonymous statements to the press, hyper-pettiness. Phil and Carmelo’s feud is like watching Regina George try and bring down Regina George: you still hope a bus hits both of them in the end. Dr. Phil could give some southern zen to the zen master, and Carmelo to the Clippers or Cavs for some spare parts and expiring contracts…
5. Nick Saban and Lane Kiffin
The abusive parent. The unappreciated son. Disney almost had its sports Cinderella in Nick Saban and Lane Kiffin. Who better to bring this disenchanted duo together than Dr. Phil himself? Go ahead. Close your eyes. Think hard. And imagine Lane Kiffin telling Nick Saban to “cash me outside how bow dah” after a film session in front of a studio audience. Magical.
4. LeBron James and David Griffin
Dr. Phil would try and help LeBron and Griffin, but end up referring them to Maury Povich and Jerry Springer. Because Dr. Phil didn’t get his fake doctorate to deal with the incurable and clinically insane. And that’s what you have with the best basketball player on the planet/defending NBA champion who says he needs more talent and a GM who’s not really sure if he has a real job or not.
3. Derek Fisher and Matt Barnes
Love triangle? Please. Rectangle. Pentagon. Hexagon. Whatever the love shape, Dr. Phil can solve it. He’d have Derek, Matt and Gloria Govan in a ménage à trois by commercial break.
2. Josh Norman and Odell Beckham Jr.
Although Josh Norman and OBJ have the fiercest WR/CB rivalry in the league, and genuine hatred for each other as people, Dr. Phil would realize that the well being of their relationship is far less important than the well being of the NFL’s ratings.
1. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook
Westbrook and Durant. The NBA’s very own Brangelina. The league’s best love story turned nasty public divorce. Although we’d love to see these guys kiss and make up with Dr. Phil, let’s make sure it doesn’t happen until after the Western Conference Finals…