Uncategorized

7 Things You'll Have To Say To Distraught Falcons Fans

What are you supposed to say to someone who just lost the biggest game ever in the most brutal way possible? A few suggestions:

No 7: You’re Right, There Is No God, We Just Have To Move On

so-sad

Some men just want to see the world burn. One happens to coach the Patriots, the other created the universe.

No 6: Yes, The Movies Do Lie, The Villains Win Far Too Often

belichick-darth-vader

It was hard to hear your friend over their tears, but having to talk to them about Marvel movies giving them a false sense of hope makes you wish you were deaf.

No 5: It Isn’t Fair That Shanahan Shits The Bed And Gets A Raise, But When You Shit The Bed You Have To Go To Rehab

shit-my-pants

Shanahan really did throw up during the job interview and still got the job.

No 4: No This Isn’t Why She Left You, You Have A Serious Drinking Problem

sad

Sometimes shit gets real.

No 3: I’m Gonna Call Somebody, You Stay Right Here. I’m Gonna Call Someone

sears

Starting to get the sense this isn’t about the Falcons.

No 2: I’ll Come Visit In A Couple Days, Do What The Doctors Say, Okay? I Love You

keep-it-the-fuck-togethr

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is ask for help.

No 1: We’ll Get ‘Em Next Year

next-year

This usually does the job and keeps you out of uncomfortable conversations.

To Top