What are you supposed to say to someone who just lost the biggest game ever in the most brutal way possible? A few suggestions:
No 7: You’re Right, There Is No God, We Just Have To Move On
Some men just want to see the world burn. One happens to coach the Patriots, the other created the universe.
No 6: Yes, The Movies Do Lie, The Villains Win Far Too Often
It was hard to hear your friend over their tears, but having to talk to them about Marvel movies giving them a false sense of hope makes you wish you were deaf.
No 5: It Isn’t Fair That Shanahan Shits The Bed And Gets A Raise, But When You Shit The Bed You Have To Go To Rehab
Shanahan really did throw up during the job interview and still got the job.
No 4: No This Isn’t Why She Left You, You Have A Serious Drinking Problem
Sometimes shit gets real.
No 3: I’m Gonna Call Somebody, You Stay Right Here. I’m Gonna Call Someone
Starting to get the sense this isn’t about the Falcons.
No 2: I’ll Come Visit In A Couple Days, Do What The Doctors Say, Okay? I Love You
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is ask for help.
No 1: We’ll Get ‘Em Next Year
This usually does the job and keeps you out of uncomfortable conversations.