In January of 2017, Derrick Rose “took a sick day” by just choosing to not show up to a game. SportsCenter had a news story it could play approximately 83 million times and the New York Knickerbockers had a problem. What they had to figure out was whether this could ever happen again. Here are eight reasons why it would…
No 8: Any Available Sex, Paid or Otherwise. Even a Handy…
Phil Jackson pays him to get fucked in the ass nightly. It’s good for the economy to pay it forward.
No 7: Bingo
People don’t know this, but Bingo gets competitive. Metta World Peace got his start inciting brawls at underground Bingo halls in Queens.
No 6: Watching Basketball
The Knicks are hard to watch, but Rose still loves to watch a good game. Plus, is there anything better than Shaq and Barkley on TNT?
No 5: Reading
Derrick Rose doesn’t read, but if it means not playing for the Knicks, he’ll try it.
No 4: Therapy
Everyone should be going. If Rose is going, let’s hope he sees Odell Beckham Jr. in the waiting room.
No 3: Days Of Our Lives
Some people think Soap Operas are for women, but Derrick thinks they’re for anyone who knows how to love wom…ehh…you know what…forget it.
No 2: Job Hunting
Sometimes it’s good to change careers and get a fresh start. Unfortunately having a sick crossover does not get you very far in computer programming…
No 1: To Prove to Phil Jackson That He’s Not in Charge
Fuck Phil Jackson. Nuff said.