8 Things Skip Bayless Does Before Showtime To Pump Himself Up

Skip Bayless is quite clearly a creation, albeit an extremely nauseating one, and it takes a little while to become him every day. Here’s how Skip gets ready to evolve into his final form.

No 8: Watches Tape Of Himself

Skip knows he’s the best, but it’s nice to be reminded. Every morning.

No 7: Reads Positive Tweets About Him Curated By His Assistants

Skip sends an email to Twitter every day asking for an app that will just send him the compliments.

No 6: Spends Some Time Photoshop-ing His Nudes

Skip’s nudes aren’t for anyone else. They remind him how much of a sexy beast he thinks he is.

No 5: Prank Calls Colin Cowherd’s Show and Calls Him Colin Cowturd

Colin Cowherd rivals Skip in douchiness and….well…Skip just can’t stand for that.

No 4: He Slips On A Cowboys Jersey So He Can Pretend His Father Is Proud Of Him

This is vital. You need to feel loved if you’re gonna act like a complete and utter ass. The jersey ritual allows Skip to do so.

No 3: He Calls His Accountant To Ask How Much He’s Worth, and ALWAYS Ends The Call With “Damn Straight”

Skip knows he’s rich. It’s because he uses a PDF of his $250K (before taxes) bi-weekly paycheck as a background on his computer (and iPad, iPhone, etc.). What, you don’t?

No 2: Rewatches A Video Where Tim Tebow Said He Was A Fan

Skip loves himself. The only person he loves more is Tim Tebow. If only Tim would leave Jesus and fall in love with the right man.

No 1: Burns A Picture Of Stephen A Smith As A Religious Ritual

We were supposed to be together forever. You pushed me into the arms of Shannon Sharpe. You did this.

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