Imagine waking up every single day with that feeling of regret you have after trying to make out with a co-worker, or buying a table at a club just to skip the line, or telling the person at the front desk of your gym “you too” after they said, “have a good workout” (dammit, you idiot). Now imagine that regret has materialized, liquified into ink, and penetrated your skin. The nine athletes below have done just that.
No 9: Julian “Julz the Jackal” Wallace
Behold the face of a man who doesn’t expect to live past 45.
No 8: Mike Scott
No 7: Jay Bothroyd
No doubt this English soccer player thought he could stymie his slide into obscurity with some outlandish gesture that would go viral on the internet. Well, mission accomplished.
No 6: Frederick Bousquet
The Frenchman proudly displays the male tramp stamp, a trend that should never have been a thing in the first place.
No 5: Justin Miller
It’s as if Miller walked into a tattoo parlor, flipped through the design book, and requested one of everything that hadn’t been chosen in the past decade. But what’s worse than his hot mess of engraved skin is the fact that he actually posed for this goofy photo.
No 4: Kenyon Martin
The lips are tacky and Martin knows it – the before and after photos are all the evidence you need of buyer’s remorse. Note to Kenyon: a regrettable tattoo choice is better served by a laser than by compounding the matter with a crowned clitoris.
No 3: Arturo Vidal
We take issue with several aspects of the Chilean’s overall canvas. For starters, the spacing is all wrong, with seemingly unrelated tats colliding like Howie Day. The winged cross gives off more of a choky vibe than an uplifting one, and for fuck’s sake, the spray paint motif needs to be retired immediately. It’s really saying something when your neck tattoo is only your fourth biggest mistake.
No 2: Colin “Freak Show” Fletcher
Perhaps the most aptly nicknamed fighter of all time has got bigger issues than some ill-advised needlework.
No 1: Aaron Hernandez
The ink by itself wouldn’t be enough to get Hernandez on this list, but he may have fared slightly better in court without the neck tattoo. In fact, he may have even been stupid enough to document his crimes permanently on his own body – only the jury knows for sure.