Cancel all your meetings and go vote to put Joel Embiid in the All Star game. His love life and the well being of mankind depend on it. Not to worry, in case your apathy or an act of God keeps Embiid from becoming an All Star, we’ve put together an extensive list as to why Rihanna should date Embiid and become the first couple we all need but most definitely do not deserve.
Trust The Process.
No. 9: Dominance of His Craft
“I don’t think I’m going to have to wait until [Cousins] retires to be the best in the league.”
Because Rihanna deserves the best, and that’s exactly what Embiid is.
No. 8: He Looks Beautiful Even In The Most Dire of Circumstances
Rihanna needs someone handsome, and Embiid looks beautiful no matter what.
No. 7: He’s Versatile
“By the end of my career, I want to be a point guard.”
Rihanna is a renaissance woman, and Embiid’s versatility can adopt all facets of her life.
No. 6: He’s Got So Much SWAG
Nothing screams SWAG like sweatpants on your draft night.
No. 5: Longevity
Because Rihanna needs someone dependable, someone for the long run, someone who will always be there, and Embiid can be that rock for at least 20 years.
No. 4: He Loves His Name
Rihanna needs a man who is willing to give her his last name and his middle name, and who wouldn’t want Hans? Rihanna actually, whose middle name is indeed Rihanna, but it’s the thought that counts.
No. 3: He Quotes Rick Ross
D’Angelo Russell talks about Joel Embiid being a big @rickyrozay fan and how music helped JoJo learn englishhttps://t.co/2CqMYs993J
— Def Pen Hoops (@DefPenHoops) December 17, 2016
There’s already potential for a couples collab album.
No. 2: He Hates LeBron
“A man has integrity from the moment he starts hating LeBron.” – Galileo
No. 1: He’s Got a Bigger Penis Than LeBron
Cue the wedding bells <3.