TheQuickie

Girls? Or Grown-Ass Women?

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Jeffrey Sandusky, one of Jerry’s six adopted children, was arrested for sexually assaulting a child, among other charges. We could make a joke about Joe Paterno’s kid already denying having any knowledge of the assault, but unfortunately this is the least funny, most disturbing story to pervade the sports world in the past decade, maybe ever. While Jeffrey’s actions are horrible and deserve punishment, it’s fair to assume that he was another of his father’s countless victims (another of Jerry’s kids came out in 2014 and alleged abuse). Prayers for all the victims affected by Sandusky’s evil…

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT…

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The UConn women’s basketball team winning a game is about as surprising as our mom asking us when we are going to settle down, start a family, and get a real job. People need humorous sports recaps, Linda. Why don’t you just the F out? The Huskies’ 66-55 victory over sixth ranked South Carolina was their 100th consecutive win, and whether or not you think a dynasty like this is bad for the game, you have to appreciate a record that likely won’t be matched in any sport. Well, you’re right. It is bad for the game. It’s boring, and an actual rivalry would be awesome for women’s hoops. As would lowering the rims and adding a four-point line. But nonetheless, greatness gets rewarded in America, and Geno Auriemma’s dominance is truly remarkable. Congrats to the Huskies…

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT…

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NBA

  • Adam Silver was tired of the Knicks and NBA looking bad so he brought in Michael Jordan to help Charles Oakley and Knicks owner James Dolan play nice. Great. We’d like to stop writing about this now…
  • It looks like we might owe the Washington Wizards an apology. We thought they were a below-average basketball team and tried to make fun of them by calling them Gandalfs, but they are clearly just sticking to the plot of Lord of the Rings where Gandalf the Grey appears to die, only to come back as bad ass Gandalf the White and tear shit up. Washington beat an exhausted Thunder squad 120-98 and look poised to beat out Toronto and Atlanta for the No. 3 seed in the East…
  • The Spurs beat the Pacers 110-106 behind 32 points from Ka “Whi Am I So Nice?” Leonard and guaranteed their 20th straight winning season…
  • The Nuggets matched the NBA record with 24 three-pointers to out-Golden State the Warriors 132-110…
  • Click, Read, Exhale. Scores….

NFL

  • Steve Young came under fire last week when it was reported he doesn’t take his ESPN commentator gig very seriously, sometimes prepping for only an hour or two before games, and mainly focusing on his investments. He tried to backtrack yesterday and it didn’t come off as overly genuine
  • Don’t bother buying Tostitos in Manhattan, you’re not going to find any salsa. The Giants released Victor Cruz and Rashad Jennings to create more cap space — a tough but necessary move for the G-Men…

CBB

  • Kansas trailed by 14 with three minutes remaining, but freshman guard Josh Jackson found a half-full can of Four Loko, shared it with his teammates during a timeout, and the Jayhawks flipped the script on West Virginia. Allen Fieldhouse went bananas in KU’s 84-80 win over the Mountaineers, and rightfully so…

6 TIMES SPORTS FIGURES REGRETTED SPENDING TIME WITH THE FAM

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All six of these sports figures stepped away from the game because they had larger commitments to their friends, their families, and their communities, only to realize shortly thereafter that they didn’t give a shit about any of that. Ballers gonna ball, and these ballers would rather play with balls professionally than waste their time being parents

#LEADTRIVIA – Degree of Difficulty: 3 (out of 5)

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