Early this morning, Colts owner Jim Irsay tweeted a picture of a naked woman (he was probably hacked, but nothing is off the table with this guy), supporting the argument that his account needs to be archived and put in the Smithsonian. He has given the world some of the best internet content of the past decade, and we could never appreciate him enough. Being a billionaire heir and not giving a shit about anything, let alone your Twitter account, is not as easy as it looks.
It takes a lot of energy and focus to be so volatile. So to all the naysayers who think it’s easy for him to execute the way he does, to hell with you! In light of Jim’s newest Twitter bombshell, here are Jim’s ten best tweets. Blessed we are.
Jim is about one of maybe three people on the planet who can say this and have it actually be true. No, check that, expected. If there isn’t a Gimp living in his owner’s box at Lucas Oil Stadium, then consider everything you know in life to be a lie. Also impressive that Jim’s Gimp lives in a trap door in his suite, but can still break away from the chains to grocery shop, a.k.a. raid the liquor store. Talk about commitment. #JimsGimp has got to be the best in the biz.
From the first seven words, you thought this was going to be a normal tweet from Jim. If you didn’t realize before, you knew then that Jim was a complete romantic. His love affair with Reggie Wayne was second to
only maybe Peyton’s love affair with him no one. Everyone can agree that in this time warp called memories, where Father Time is not known, lies the secrets to Peyton’s exit meeting and how quickly Jim can down a bottle of Jack.
Jim is the only owner who does not deserve to go through a losing streak. Even with a two-game lead in the division, Jim had every right to sound off to his team via the Twitterverse. A profound inheritor like Jim didn’t struggle his entire life, so the good people of Indianapolis had to. No. Not only did he show the impeccable standard he holds for the team, but the depth of his vocabulary, as he switched what was probably “asses” to “butts” to help drive home the point. One of the greatest ever to do it.
Jim is a chameleon. That’s not up for debate. Whether he’s spending his father’s money on big time free agents, music memorabilia, drugs, or alcohol, he’s as versatile as they come. And just when you think you knew everything about Jim, he takes to Twitter to let you know that he’s a golf savant. You know Spieth, Rickie, and DJ were glued to their phones when this baby was released. Replacing 4 iron shots with 8 irons has revolutionized the game thanks to Jim. Thankfully he always finds a way…to tweet.
Whether you consider him a modern-day Socrates, Socrates reincarnated, or just Irsay, his philosophy and mind are unprecedented. Nothing is nothing, ’cause it is in fact itself, yet nothing is also something, because it is a thing yet no things are nothing things. Woah. He’s right, dammit. If Jim says it, it’s something. Put “it” in stone.
Mike Florio of PFT was completely out of line when he said the Colts were “pillaging” free agents. To suggest that doing such a thing would ever cross the mind of Jim Irsay speaks to a SICK individual. No, Jim did not pillage taxpayers’ money to build the new Lucas Oil Stadium; he was simply using their money to buy them a better gift than they could ever buy themselves and with their own funds. Jim Irsay, the philanthropist.
Jim is an avid music fan and memorabilia collector. To the people who tried to chalk this up as another Irsay tirade, you obviously don’t know Neil Young. But more importantly, you obviously don’t know Jim Irsay, who probably wrote the lyrics to “Stupid Girl” for Neil, never took credit, and just wanted to recite his poetry to the world.
Hopefully you picked up on this by now. Jim’s Twitter game, and this tweet in particular, commemorates his life and what makes Irsay Irsay. Know rules, know spelling, know proper quotes. There’s a creed everyone should live by. Thank you, Jim.