TheQuickie

Like Adam Wainwright With Curves…

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Seattle said that they like Eddie Lacy’s curves and want the former Packers running back to weigh-in around 240 lbs after signing a one-year deal with the team for $3 million guaranteed and $2.5 million in incentives. Most teams wanted Eddie to continue with his P90X workouts and shed pounds like patrons of a British strip club but Seattle said, “we love those hips and dat ass and want you to stay just the way you are.” Lacy’s signing comes at an interesting time as most teams seem reluctant to sign a veteran back (AP, Latavius Murray, Jamaal Charles) before seeing if they can snag one of the talented fresh-legged runners exiting the college ranks…

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AIN’T NO MOUNTAINEER HIGH ENOUGH
Who allowed Mount St. Mary’s nickname to be the Mountaineers? Nobody at the school said, “Hey, guys. Maybe we should go back to the drawing board. This moniker seems a little redundant”? Nobody? The Mountaineers refused to plateau against New Orleans and earned the right to get pulverized by Villanova by beating the Privateers (another awful nickname) 67-66 in the first game of the NCAA tournament. A tense moment occurred in the second half when New Orleans teammates Travin Thibodeaux and Christavious Gill got into a scuffle, with Thibodeaux choking out Gill. Eesh. Congrats to Mount St. Mary’s on the win…

WINNING WITH IWUNDU 
We love when college basketball games open up and teams forget to play defense, and that was definitely the case in Kansas State’s 95-88 win over Wake Forest. Wesley Iwundu led the Wildcats with 24 points and K-State shot 66% (!!!) from the field to outlast Demon Deacons and star forward John Collins, who poured in 26 points on 9-13 shooting. The cats of wilderness will have a winnable game against No. 6 Cincinnati in Dayton…

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BASEBALL

  • Photographer Albert Pena captured Rougned Odor’s punch at the perfect moment (above), immediately obtained a copyright, and is now suing Dallas-based store Field of Dreams for publishing the image on memorabilia. Apparently the image with a “Don’t Mess With Texas” caption was killing it for the Field of Dreams folks. As a refresher, this incident was Step One to Jose Bautista becoming a loathed athlete last year
  • Baseball’s weird, which is why a the Dodgers freaking out over their translator deadlifting a ton of weight in a singlet makes us happy…
  • For full World Baseball Classic coverage, click on deez words

NBA

  • The Lakers’ Timofey Mozgov contract: still a disaster. Los Angeles will shut down Mozgov (who is healthy) for the remainder of the season to take a closer look at their young talent. Slow clap for Jim Buss
  • DeMarcus Cousins scored 22 points and the Pelicans beat the Blazers 100-77. Boogie and Brow combined for ten steals, ten blocks, and zero turnovers in the win…
  • The Thunder beat the Nets behind 25 points, 19 assists, and 12 rebounds from Andre Roberson. Just kidding, it was Russell Westbrook. OKC’s star shot terribly (6-18) but who the hell cares when you dole out $1.90 in dimes…
  • Infamous draft bust Darko Milicic (now a farmer in Serbia) had some really interesting things to say about his time in the NBA, including his propensity to get drunk before practices
  • You gotta score more points than the other team to win. See who scored what last night here

NFL

  • Percy Harvin is officially retiring after eight migraine-plagued seasons. We sincerely hope his brain didn’t incur too much long-term damage…

NHL

  • The snowstorm you people are apparently enduring in the Northeast caused the Devils to postpone their game against Benny and the Winnipeg Jets…
  • Brad Marchand’s hat trick led Boston to a 6-3 win over the Canucks and tied him for the league lead in goals (35) with Sid The Adolescent…
  • Check the scores, eh?

SOCCER

  • Leicester City is baaaack. Wes Morgan and Marc Albrighton scored to lead the boys in blue to the Champions League quarterfinals with a 2-0 victory over Sevilla…
  • You want all the non-American football scores from yesterday? We got you

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