The Quickie

TheQuickie // How To Become The Worst

If there’s anything the 2016 postseason proved definitively, it’s that dominant relievers are undervalued and should be treasured like gold bullion, three-day weekends, or ingesting the perfect amount of hallucinogens at Coachella. So when Dellin Betances, one of baseball’s top-five setup men, a 6’8 monster with a 97mph fastball and unhittable curve ball, asked for […]

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TheQuickie // Shut down the wrong corner…

Former Celtics big man Glen Davis once again proved why he deserves his long-standing “Big Baby” moniker, emerging from the fringes of irrelevancy to throw shade on his former coach Doc Rivers. While speaking on Chris Broussard’s podcast, Baby said Rivers was “lucky as hell” to win a championship with the 2008 Celtics and that […]

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TheQuickie // A Slave-Owner Mentality

It may not be official yet, but we’re calling it anyway: Bayern Munich has become the first team to qualify for the UEFA Champions League quarterfinals. Walloping a truly pathetic Arsenal squad 5-1 at home (again), Thiago Alcantara and his dunkel-quaffing, lederhosen-clad teammates all but locked up their advancement to the next round, pending the formality of […]

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TheQuickie // Rumor Has It…

On the day the Cavs announced that Kevin Love would miss six weeks after undergoing arthroscopic surgery on his left knee, LeBron and Company marched into Minny and pulled out a 116-108 win against Andrew Wiggins (41 points, zero turnovers) and the Timberwolves. Wiggins always brings his A-game against the team that traded him away […]

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - APRIL 03:  Katie Lou Samuelson #33 of the Connecticut Huskies shoots against Katie McWilliams #10 of the Oregon State Beavers in the second quarter during the semifinals of the 2016 NCAA Women's Final Four Basketball Championship at Bankers Life Fieldhouse on April 3, 2016 in Indianapolis, Indiana. Connecticut won 80-51. (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)

TheQuickie // Girls? Or Grown-Ass Women?

Jeffrey Sandusky, one of Jerry’s six adopted children, was arrested for sexually assaulting a child, among other charges. We could make a joke about Joe Paterno’s kid already denying having any knowledge of the assault, but unfortunately this is the least funny, most disturbing story to pervade the sports world in the past decade, maybe […]

TheQuickie // Heart Problems? Blame MSG…

After meeting with his council of idiots atop what we can only assume is a decrepit evil fortress somewhere high on a windswept cliff, Knicks owner James Dolan decided the only way to remedy the Charles Oakley debacle would be to pull off an incredibly tacky PR stunt involving Latrell Sprewell. The Knicks “honored” Spree before yesterday’s […]

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TheQuickie // “Alcoholism Doesn’t Define Me”

Jeffrey Loria. The man who murdered the Expos and stole hundreds of millions in Florida taxpayer money to build the tackiest stadium in sports history might be on the verge of selling the Marlins for a whopping $1.6 billion. Loria allegedly has a handshake deal with New York businessman Charles Kushner, the father of D-Trump’s son-in-law/senior advisor […]

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TheQuickie // Fake News

Desperate to speed up games, Major League Baseball is experimenting with a strategy that would place a runner on second base at the start of extra innings. Starting at second base? Sounds like a freshman’s dream, but it might become baseball’s reality. Though the game is typically slow to evolve, MLB owners seem to all […]

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TheQuickie // Huston, We Have A Problem. Well, Suck It Houston…

Most actions have an ulterior motive. For example, we write TheQuickie every night because we need to build up an audience for our fanny pack business. Finally…feels good to put that out into the universe. We’re fine with ulterior motives, unless you’re a middling closer on a terrible team trying to to eke out a few […]

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TheQuickie // Kirk Cousins Is A Dick

If you have ever played a rec league sport or a game of pick-up anything, then you know the absolute two worst people to play with are “the bro who cares too much” and “the bro who always wants to fight someone.” With one cranky shove of a volunteer referee at a celebrity charity football […]

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