NCAA Football

The 5 Worst Alternative Professions for Jim Harbaugh

Jim Harbaugh once spent hours watching a crossing guard work because she was so good at her job. The man guzzles greatness and pisses excellence. In honor of the craziest college football coach in the country, we put together a list of the worst (and best) jobs for Jim-Baugh…

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5. Therapist

If there’s one person who doesn’t want to listen to your bullshit, it’s Jim Harbaugh. Your weekly venting sessions would turn into pushups and burpees, and the only profound revelation you’d make about your life is that you’re weak and that your existence on earth is meaningless. Plus he’d charge $500/hour…

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4. Sportswriter

“If you can’t play, write.” Jim Harbaugh never said that, but he definitely thinks it every time a nerd in spectacles asks him an asinine question about his team’s performance (i.e. the person writing this). Harbaugh’s articles would be something along the lines of: “Your team lost, they’re terrible, you’re terrible, get a new hobby.”

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3. Waiter

Oh, you ordered sweet potato fries and got regular fries? You see I’m attending to ten other tables, right? Eat your salted carb sticks and leave me the fuck alone before I shove them up your ass…

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2. Anything in IT

Harbaugh’s a control freak, and there’s only like 12 people on the planet that actually know what to do when computers start malfunctioning. Harbaugh as an IT Manager would take a sledgehammer to the server room in Week 1…




1. Director

Can you imagine Jim Harbaugh dealing with Michael Cera’s diva bullshit? How about Kristen Stewart’s? With John Travolta’s five trailers and twelve “masseuses” not being enough to satiate his needs? Harbaugh loves using celebrity to recruit athletes, but he might murder Shia LaBeouf if he had to direct him in a major motion picture…

 

CLICK HERE FOR OUR LIST OF THE 5 BEST JOBS FOR JIM HARBAUGH

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